Today I thought to write about those moments when we women feel low. I am not talking about major life tragedies but the more usual low moments we experience every once in a while in routine life. The former calls for a lot of fortitude while the latter is more of overcoming that moment, casting aside the negative thoughts and carrying on with life. So here goes:
Hubbies are naturally equipped to be compassionate and eloquent in grave matters such as the impact of the Iran nuclear deal, the proposed GST rollout, standing by Dhoni during his losing streak as captain…you get the driftJ
But come wifey’s moments of emotional distress -- side-lined for a well-deserved promotion, MIL’s badgering for a grandchild, the weight gain/grey hair appearance, overwhelmed with the work/life balance act, a botched attempt at single-handed 3 course cooking for the guests -- and the poor things are rendered clueless and helpless!
The first time I proposed a solution she said can’t you just stay shut and listen to my feelings!
But the next time I was quiet and let her be, she accused me of ignoring her and saying nothing to comfort her!
Personally speaking, it’s my parents who have been my most solid source of strength and made me bounce back whenever I was feeling down and low on any matter, big or small.
It’s definitely harsh to expect hubby dearest to possess the same repertoire of reactions as my seasoned Dad, who knows just the right thing to say or do:
- Sometimes he would acknowledge the tumult I am going through, telling me how proud he is of me not giving up, that faith is just what I would need to keep pushing on
- On other occasions he would inspire me by sharing similar experiences from his lifetime and how he pulled through then
- And at times he would simply admonish me for making a big deal for no reason, snapping me out from my silly monotones
Neither can hubby dearest pull off “no-nonsense, get your act together” punchlines like that of my Mum, sample this:
अनुकूल परिस्थिति में तो कोई भी अछे से रह सकता है, विपरीत परिस्थिति में अछे से रह सके तो कुछ मत्लब!
(Translation: Anyone can live nicely in convenient circumstances; it is only worthwhile if you can live nicely in adverse circumstances!)
So away from my parents, not wanting to disturb my girlfriends either (as they too are busy dealing with their share of life’s messes), and to the great relief of my hubby -- over time I have managed to figure out how best to deal with the low moments myself.
It starts with taking a deep breath, drinking a glass of water and then doing one / more of the below:
- Go take a bath – the mind might still be on the negative thought loop while we bathe but the physical relaxation will definitely have some impact, you will feel lighter!
- Listen or dance to a peppy playlist – ‘Peppy’ is key here, so have one such list handy. Think ‘Let it go’ from Frozen and ‘London thumakda’ from QueenJJ You don’t want to be listening to ‘Kitni baatein yaad aati hain’ from Lakshya and escalate your sadness to weeping! Given my awesome bad luck, if i play at random on the spot, such songs somehow show up, hence the learning of having a playlist ready at your disposal!
- Watch / read something funny or inspiring – Nothing beats stress for me like watching an episode of Friends, even though I may be seeing it for the zillionth time! I also find the jokes and quotes in Reader’s Digest very engaging. The Minions and Aunty Acid quotes on FB are also awesome!
- Skip the chore – On a bad day and with a messy headspace, I end up doing some blunder even in the routine tasks and that’s it!...the whole thing becomes a melodrama: nothing is right in my life, I am useless, why always me and so forth. Therefore, when feeling low, never ever take up an uninviting routine task like cleaning/washing etc.
- Browse about some random/new topic – If I don’t have any book or bored of listening to the same playlist, I pick up a random topic and start reading up about it on Wikipedia/net. So in usual routine, I keep a list of such topics for reading later, or save interesting articles as bookmarks. For example, once I read up everything about Operation Blue Star since I never knew the whole story. Doing such a thing just fills your head with new information and your focus shifts.
- Revisit happy memories – Again need to choose a bit wisely what you want to see, looking at videos of your last birthday celebration at your parents’ place will definitely make you more homesick. Instead some crazy video from your college days or that of an office party can cheer you up!